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Reunion Humor


Reunion Humor

Forgive Us For Being "Corny"......

but share a few chuckles with us !!!


Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking..... surely I cannot look that old? You may enjoy this short story......

While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school.

"Yes", he replied. "When did you graduate?" I exclaimed.

He answered, "1970. Why?" "You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely, and then the son of a bitch asked, "What did you teach?"

And how about this one.....

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at the drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, "Do you know her?" "Yes", I sighed, "She is my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My Heavens! said my wife, "who would think a person could go on celebrating that long? "


Observations of Growing Older..........

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Your kids are becoming you... and you don't like them. But your grandchildren are perfect !

Yellow become the big color.... walls, hair, teeth.... !

Eventually you reach a point where you stop lying about your age, and start bragging about it.

When people say you look GREAT... they add "for your age" !

You forget names.... but its OK, because other people forget they even know you !

You ask your husband or friend how your outfit looks and they tell you the truth !

The last two outfits you wore had spots on them.

When you needed the discount you paid full price.... now you get discounts on everything.....

The five pounds you wanted to lose is now 15, and you have a better chance of losing your keys than those 15 pounds !

Did you ever notice the Roman numeral for 40 is.... XL ?

Before you go anywhere you make sure to bring your eyeglasses?

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks !


Baby Boomer Songs

It was fun being a baby boomer.... until now. Some of the vocal artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics just to accommodate aging baby boomers:

1. Herman's Hermits..... Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker

2. The Bee Gees..... How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?

3. Bobby Darin...... Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash

4. Paul McCartney..... I Get By With a Little Help From Depends

5. Roberta Flack..... The First Time I Ever Forgot Your Face

6. Johnny Nash..... I Can't See Clearly Now

7. Paul Simon.... Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

8. The Commodores.... Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom

9. Procol Harem.... A Whiter Shade of Hair

10. Leo Sayer.... You Make Me Feel Like Napping

11. Marvin Gaye.... I Heard Through the Grape Nuts

12. The Temptation..... Papa's Got a Kidney Stone

13. Abba..... Denture Queen

14. Tony Orlando..... Knock Three Times On the Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

15. Helen Reddy..... I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore

16. Willie Nelson.... On the Commode Again

17. Leslie Gore.... It's My Procedure and I'll Cry If I Want To






Be sure to refill the ice trays, we're going to have company. 

Watch for the postman, I want to get this letter to Willie in the mail today. 

Quit slamming the screen door when you go out! 

Be sure and pull the windows down when you leave, it looks like a shower is coming up.

Don't forget to wind the clock before you go to bed.  

Wash your feet before you go to bed, you've been playing outside all day barefooted.

Why can't you remember to roll up your britches legs? Getting them caught in the bicycle chain so many times is tearing them up. 

You have torn the knees out of that pair of pants so many times there is nothing left to put a patch on.

Don't you go outside with your school clothes on! 

Go comb your hair; it looks like the rats have nested in it all night. 

Be sure and pour the cream off the top of the milk when you open the new bottle. 

Take that empty bottle to the store with you so you won't have to pay a deposit on another one.

Put a dish towel over the cake so the flies won't get on it. 

Quit jumping on the floor! I have a cake in the oven and you are going to make it fall if you don't quit!

Let me know when the Fuller Brush man comes by, I need to get a few things from him. 

You boys stay close by, the car may not start and I will need you to help push it off.

There's a dollar in my purse, get 5 gallons of gas when you go to town. 

Open the back door and see if we can get a breeze through here, it is getting hot.

You can walk to the store; it won't hurt you to get some exercise. 

Don't sit too close to the TV. It is hard on your eyes.

If you pull that stunt again, I am going to wear you out! 

Don't lose that button; I'll sew it back on after awhile.

Wash under your neck before you come to the table, you have beads of dirt and sweat all under there. 

Get out from under the sewing machine; pumping it messes up the thread!  

Be sure and fill the lamps this morning so we don't have to do that tonight in the dark.

Here, take this old magazine to the toilet with you when you go, we are almost out of paper out there.

Go out to the well and draw a bucket of water so
I can wash dishes. 

Don't turn the radio on now, I want the battery to be up when the Grand Ole Opry comes on.

No! I don't have 10 cents for you to go to the show. Do you think money grows on trees? 

Eat those peas, they'll make you big and strong like your daddy.

That dog is NOT coming in this house! I don't care how cold it is out there, dogs don't stay in the house.

Sit still! I'm trying to get your hair cut straight and you keep moving and it is all messed up.

Hush your mouth! I don't want to hear words like that! I'll wash your mouth out with soap!

It is time for your system to be cleaned out. I am going to give you a dose of castor oil tonight.

If you get a spanking in school and I find out about it, you'll get another one when you get home.

Quit crossing your eyes! They will get stuck that way.

Be sure to hang the sign for 50 pounds since today is ice man day.!

Soak your foot in this pan of kerosene so that bad cut won't get infected.

Stop scratching and come here; I'll put some kerosene on those chigger bites.

When you take your driving test, don't forget to signal each turn. Left arm straight out the window for a left turn; left arm bent up at the elbow for a right turn; and straight down to the side of the door when you are going to stop.

It's: 'Yes Ma'am!' and 'No Ma'am!' to me, young man, and don't you forget it!

Bring back Memories?

Watch the video below, in preparation
 for our reunion...