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The foreman of an Irish road crew employed Paddy to paint the white lines line down the middle of the road. He told Paddy that he should paint two miles of road in a day’s work.
After the first day, the foreman was pleased to find that he'd painted four miles of road instead of the two required.
On the second day, Paddy completed painting just 2 miles of road. The foreman was a bit disappointed, but didn’t complain as this was, after all, only what he’d asked for.
On day 3, the foreman was disappointed to find that Paddy had painted only one mile of road, and so asked, "On yer first day, ya did four moiles o’ road. On yer second ya did two moiles. But on yer tird day ya only did one moil. What’s up?”
Paddy replied, "Well, oil tell ya what’s up, but I tought a clever bloke loik you woulda been able ta figger it out fer yerself! Yer see, every day I gets ferder an’ ferder away from de paint can!”
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In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a
little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, alittle more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more. For the second time she attempted the step, and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time, a
large builder who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The builder smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends."
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A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders
a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.
He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest,
meanest, biker in the face and says:
'I went to your grandother's house today and I saw her in the hallway,
naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!'
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are
confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a
The drunk leans on the table again and says: 'I got it on with your
grandmother and she is good, the best I ever had!'
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you
something else, boy, your grandmother liked it!'
At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders
looks him square in the eyes and says....................
'Grandad.......... Go home!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is
such a nice change from being young.
50 YEARS AGO, THE BEATLES CAME TO AMERICA
"Rekindled friendships often burn more brightly"
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